Caught in the Rat Race

When I think about all the killing that has happened from sick individuals in the last few years in the "mass-shootings"  It does make me sick.  I never want people to be hurt or injured.  But what I really wonder, in all this time, from when I was a kid till now,  why are more people doing this?  Is it really that guns are more out there.  I know growing up that I could tell you exactly where my father's gun was and where the ammunition was and that it was not locked.  I know where my neighbor's parents guns were as well.  Was I somehow living in a dangerous society because of this?  Or is something happening in American society that we are failing kids?

I know most in my community knew where their parents firearms were, yet no one went out killing everyone just because they knew where that stuff was.  The first case happened and we started passing laws to "protect the children" and what not.  But guns were much easier to get 50 years ago, why now is this a problem? Why now, are we having all kinds of problems of people respecting others?

I see pundits and others saying easy access to the firearms is the problem, but really is the desire to do the harm not the bigger problem?  I believe the 2nd amendment is an individual right, to allow me to not live in fear, to allow my wife to not live in fear, and my son to not live in fear.  I am ready to protect myself and others from all threats.  Now this does not mean I am looking for trouble, and in actuality I think an article I read described it best.  When you start carrying, you become a pacifist, at least the majority of law abiding gun owners do(and if you do not, and start brandishing it, well you are committing a felony and really are not law abiding anymore).  The reason for this is that we treat all life as sacred, we try to deescalate things and retreat when necessary, but if someone decides to force us in to a corner, we will protect the life of ourselves and our family as it is sacred.

We do not go looking for trouble, we do not want trouble, it will rack us with guilt for years if we ever have to do something like that.  We really just want to be left alone, but the fact of the mater, is that everyone is their own first responder, whether it is a fire extinguisher on the fire, the first aid kit on the broken arm, or the firearm to the intruders.  It is up to those involved to wait for help and be prepared to help themselves until that time.  I unlike the fire department do not have a tanker truck to back me up, so I have multiple fire extinguishers, I unlike the paramedics do not have a huge truck with a hospital and doctors backing me up so I have a lot of stuff in my personal first aid kit, or like the police I do not have brother police backing me up, each with a pistol, 3 mags, a backup pistol, and a service rifle, so I have a firearm with magazines that hold more than 10 bullets.  I am not going to patrol my house, but I will be ready if they come to hurt my wife or child.

Samuel lowered himself next a withered maple,  It's once proud branches offering shade to all, but now stripped by many for firewood and other uses.  The maple no longer bloomed much, but nothing did these days in what was left of America, or the states as his father used to say.  It was dark now, with a small fire going to heat his food on, with rocks built up high to hide the flames.  Sam lowered his hand onto the back of his companion in his journey.  They had found him when he was just a puppy and trying to escape from some of the bigger gangs that were roaming the country side.  That was 10 years ago and his father had decided to name him "Linux", he was a german shepard/border collie cross, tons of energy and had been faithful all these years.  Even saved his hide a time or too.  He never did understand what the name Linux meant, he was just 7 when his life got turned upside down.

His rice and beans were finally done, and Sam lifted them from the little fire he had going.  This GSI cook kit his father had given him from REI had really held up all these years, it was still easy to cook and eat from the same item, lightening his load.  While finishing his dinner, Sam handed a piece of jerky to Linux, who wolfed it down greedily always seeming to want more.  While never eating lavishly they had survived and kept fed by being willing to scavenge.  Many of the towns were too afraid, chemicals and who knew what else lurked within the cities, but Sam was able to still find things they needed and would trade for.  Sam remembers being taught the art of scavenging by his father, Frank, and the good places to look, and places things were often hidden.  The loss of his Father still weighed heavily on him given it was a short time ago.

Finishing his dinner, he rinsed and cleaned the pot and threw a few more logs on the fire to build up a nice bend of coals for the night.  After sitting back down against the rough tree, he checked his AR-15 that was a constant companion, making sure everything was working and to see if it needed a clean.  Finally he checked his hand gun, which was his father's Springfield Armory, XDm 5.25 in 45 ACP.  It was a great shooting gun and had gotten his father out of a tight many spots.

After all this was done he looked to the book laying before him.  It was a journal that had seen many years of use, with a leather cover and a cord wrapping holding it closed.  The leather was cracked and worn, and the pages had yellowed with time and use.  This journal had belong to his father and he had recorded their family information in there, some old photos as well, and important events as time went on.  Sam always wondered what was in the journal, and as his father lay dieing, he handed it to him and said "This is yours now, never forget where you came from".  He had not been able to open it in the month since that day.

Sam looked down at Linux and said, "Well boy, I guess it it is time to finally open this."  With that Sam raised the book and opened it to the first page.

Yesterday I made a hard decision, that was to resign from my position as an Asst Scoutmaster in the Boy Scouts of America.  This was based on their recent reaffirmation of barring homosexuals from being members.  I know this had been the policy in the past, but it had almost gotten to a don't ask don't tell.  After this policy people were being fired, and told not to return to meetings.

I struggled with this and in the end it came down to the following:

• For the first time in my life, I felt embarresed to wear the scout uniform.  I thought what if people see me in public and think I think that behavior is ok?  I have worn the scout uniform in to wal-mart, k-mart, all kinds of places before as I was very active when I was younger.  But never before have I felt embarresed to wear it.
• What would my son think? Would he see me supporting an organization that treats others this way and learn its ok?
• Am I spitting on my friends, who I know are gay and have helped scouting while we were in college together?  Is the scouting organization really saying we don't need your help nor did we ever want it?

It hurts to make this decision, as I am leaving behind some good people and a good group of boys.  But it was clear to me that I must set the right example for my son.  I do not feel it is ok to treat people this way, I have friends that are gay, lived with one of them, and consider many I would drop for if they needed my help.

As I have seen others sending back their eagle badge, I do not feel this is the right course of action for me.  It was a recognition of my hard work, and my parents support and faith in me, as well as my troops support.  I do not feel that in keeping it I am betraying anyone and its a reminder of all those who helped me.  Its not like I publicy decry my support and eagle scout status.

Now comes what to do in regards to Riley, I think scouting has some great opportunities, but I will leave that up to him.  Maybe I will start something like this when he is older Baden Powell Service Organization .  Who knows.

I leave with heavy heart, and wish all those the best, but knowing I did what I felt was right.

You know, its sad, we fawn over people for the simple fact of being famous.  We promote people to such high heights even when they have done nothing to earn it.  Where is the praising of the selfless person who works at the foodbank?  Where is the accolades for the teachers who make us great?  Where is the thanks to the fireman, and emergency crews?

We raise athletes and actors to such high levels, that they are almost gods, yet forget those that have given their lives for others.  Are the Kardashians really that awesome?  Is A-Rod really going to inspire you?  These people often get so hung up on their own god like status that they do reckless acts.  I know that people are not perfect, but these people seem to take things to the extreme with some of the crazy stuff they do.

This last travesty in colorado is yet another thing, where the media and our culture just gobble up anything they can about him.  I feel like "Rome is burning" and all we care about is the gladiators.  "Give us more blood!"  The masses shout, without realizing everything else is gone.  Materialism and being better than another seems to be the new American dream. 

I think it's time to change that.  Endeavor to spend more time with your family. Praise the goodness you see in others.  Give more than you get.  Do community out reach, turn off the tv, and talk to your neighbors.  Go outside with your kids.  Do something.  Honor others who do good, like this guy http://www.guideposts.org/inspirational-stories/military-stories/a-harvest-of-hope-for-veterans?page=0,0.

Make the change within yourself, and decide to do good at home, decide to do good at work, treat the janitor and the CEO the same, as decent people.  If you are a fry cook do it well.  If you are a painter do it well.  If you are a developer do it well.  Take responsibility for yourself and do what you can.  We need to change our society and take it back and start honoring what makes us great instead of focusing on things that have no importance.

I am saddened by BSA's recent decision on especially on the 100th anniversary of the Eagle Scout award.   My time in the boy scouts has meant a lot to me as well as all the people I have met.  It is hard to reconcile my feelings on the matter with what the boy scouts teach and push as their message.

I have had boys ask me directly about having gays in boy scouts, it is hard to refute the boys logic that it is not friendly or kind.  2 parts of the scout law which we claim to hold so dear.  No it really is not.  It is even harder to argue when it does not align with my personal feelings on the matter.

I know there is evil in the world, I know many parents have this fear, and mostly unfounded of sending their boy to camp and having him preyed upon by some pedophile.  I remember the first year I was on camp staff during staff week, the horse ranger made inappropriate comments to myself and some other CIT's regarding watching porn with him, as well as being caught videotaping boys in the shower.  He was summarily ejected from camp before regular campers got there, but that was bad, I was 13 at the time.  But a pedophile does not equal a homosexual.   It was no surprise when later that year he was busted for solicitation.

When I was part of Alpha Phi Omega, the National Service fraternity founded by men who believed in the ideals of scouting and wanted to continue this through their college lives.  There were many individuals who were homosexual, but still accepted, at least by myself.  They gave service fine, they were good friends, and shocker, never tried to touch kids.

I think we need to move past this, people regardless of sexual preference still need strong adult figures in their life.  This is almost the same level of not allowing women into the scouts as leaders.  I have seen some eagle scouts returning their badge because of this.  At this time I cannot bring myself to do that, but I do feel compelled to withdraw my support of this organization.  We need to teach these boys how to be men, but how can they be men if they cannot accept differences and realize they are human too, just looking to live their life.

Today started off another week of fun:). I am going to be stepping up into the role of an assistant scoutmaster with the troop I work with. Very happy about that, I enjoy working with the boys, and I want my son to understand that its importance to give back to the community.

Finally got my new holster last week, I ordered a gcode straight drop holster for my H&K USP .45. I have been wanting to shoot it at the next fun match but needed a holster for it. So far I like the way it sits. It is a paddle holster, which I prefer over just a waistband holster.

This past weekend we tool Riley to the IBMs 100th Anniversary celebration and he seemed to enjoy that. They had all kinds of free stuff, and he was running all over the place, I wish they did that every year as many of the rides were for kids older than him, but he had fun none the less. The best was introducing him to cotton candy. At first he acted as if he wanted none then he got a taste and he was like yummy. Just him darting forward and trying to figure out how to get his mouth onto the cotton candy was hilarious.

After that I was going to help with the boy scout camp out at the harvest festival. They were doing community service there for various groups. Got a little nippy there at night(low 40s), but I was comfortable in my REI tent. Still loving the tent, made the other parents jealous. Can't wait till Jen and I can take Riley out in it. The boys cooked hamburgers and Hot Dogs, and one of the adults cooked an apple crisp in the dutch oven. Still amazed some of the boys only showed up with shorts, and only one jacket. there were some cold scouts that night.

Last night Jen and I ran a dungeon in wow that hurt our head. I was on my just gearing up warrior tank, and she was on her lock. Well we got HHOO. which has some pretty crappy trash. well we got through it thanks to some good heals. The dps was low all around and I imagine it was like it was to run back in the day with early gear on the bosses. At one point on the one boss, I know I had a bunch of the sentinels on me and the healer and I were using every trick in the book to keep me alive. The hunter was in full pvp gear only pulling like 5k on some bosses, Jen was pulling about 7-9 depending, and we had a ret pally pulling around 8k. it was a struggle to get through it all. The hunter died to the floor monster several times but we got through it and then called it a night. I do not think I have rolled my cool downs that much in a long time.

Well this week is my first week on second shift. It is while I have pager for the team. It has been an interesting ride so far. It would not be so bad if I did not have a family I would like to spend time with in the evening. Plenty of time during the morning to do some things which I do not have during normal days.

Counting down the days to scout camp, this time as an adult leader instead of being there on staff. I am glad it is at a different camp. Not sure I could handle going back to my old camp and seeing the changes.

Pager over 4th of July not so much fun.

Trying to decide what to do about my job, not sure which one to go with, the job where everyone will be remote from me, or stay with my friends in what I feel is dead end because the leaders have no idea how to move us forward. I am sorry to say but we are not doing innovation on email, its legacy, figure that out and stop putting so much money into it. Realize there are better ways for us to communicate and make it so we can do it better.

Also I just want to say I am tired of hearing about the cloud. really its just hosted services all over again. we did it 20 years ago, its not much different.

Milky Way Chocochino's are a great invention. If you have never had one stop by sometime:)

One day closer to the weekend:) Hoping to see transformers this weekend.

Shoulder still aching from the accident.

Well So far this year has started out pretty good. Working again for IBM, my wife just got her job back with the vet clinic, and we are back in Raleigh. I feel a new passion for working with IBM again, and I feel this will be a great year. After last year I needed a good year. Last year involved credit card theft, parvo, wife being sick, horrible vacation, horrible job, moving to Pennsylvania, living in Pennsylvania, no water for a week in the apartment, roof leaking in the apartment first night we were there, dishwasher leaking most of the time we were there, had to put the ferret to sleep, problems with the jeep. So here is looking to a better year. Hope all of you are well, and talk to you in the new year.

Modern, Cool Nerd 82 % Nerd, 86% Geek, 13% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd. Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)! Congratulations! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Professional Wrestling Love & Sexuality America/Politics Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 94% on nerdiness You scored higher than 99% on geekosity You scored higher than 9% on dork points

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

and for the buffy people

Faith 54% amorality, 72% passion, 36% spirituality, 45% selflessness

Faith is a powerhouse, and you might be, too. Passion-driven, down-to-earth, and willing to do what it takes to get things done and have a good time doing them, she is tough and sexy. Now, this test didn't rate your sexiness, but with these kinds of traits, that's probably true as well. You rate as one of the most dynamic characters of the Buffy universe. Congratulations! If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in the following: Nerds, Geeks & Dorks Professional Wrestling Love & Sexuality America/Politics Thanks Again! -- THE 4-VARIABLE BUFFY PERSONALITY TEST

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 28% on morality You scored higher than 67% on repose You scored higher than 5% on spirituality You scored higher than 38% on selflessness

Link: The 4-Variable Buffy Personality Test written by donathos on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test